The Prawn, The Ex, and the Curtain Rod

From time to time, we have to take down older window treatments like old blinds or old draperies. In doing so, we have come across some interesting “artifacts” for lack of a better term. We’ve seen Nerf® darts on window sills of 2nd story windows. We’ve seen broken cords on shades and chipped paint on plantation shutters. We’ve even seen the nest of a mud wasp inside the headrail of a vinyl blind in a garage. But we’ve never had to deal with anything like “Jake” had to deal with.

Keep in mind that “Jake” probably isn’t his real name, and this story has been passed around so many times over the years that the names and locations have probably changed dozens of times but the general idea of the anecdote remains the same.

The story goes that…

After 37 years of marriage, Jake, a prominent businessman in South Florida, decided to leave his wife for his much younger secretary.

His new girlfriend demanded that they live in Jake and Edith’s multi-million dollar home and since the Jakes’s lawyers were better than Edith’s, he prevailed.

After the divorce was finalized, he gave Edith, his now ex-wife, just 3 days to move out. She spent the first day packing her belongings into boxes, crates, and suitcases.

On the second day, she had the movers come and collect her things.

On the third day, she sat down for the last time at their beautiful dining room table. She lit some candles, put on some soft background music, and feasted on a pound of shrimp, a jar of caviar, and a bottle of Chardonnay.

When she had finished she went into each and every room and stuffed half-eaten shrimp shells dipped in caviar into the hollow of all of the curtain rods. She then cleaned up the kitchen and left.

When the husband returned with his new girlfriend all was bliss for the first few days.

Then slowly, the house began to smell. They tried everything… cleaning… mopping… even airing the place out. The vents were checked for dead rodents and the carpets were cleaned. They hung air fresheners everywhere.

Exterminators were brought in to set off gas canisters, during which time, they had to move out for a few days, and in the end, they even replaced the expensive wool carpeting. Nothing worked.

People stopped coming over to visit. Repairmen refused to work in the house. Even the maid quit.

Finally, they could not take the stench any longer and decided to move.

A month later, even though they had cut their price in half, they could not find a buyer for their stinky house.

Word got out and eventually, even the local realtors refused to return their calls. Finally, they had to borrow a huge sum of money from the bank to purchase a new place all the while their other home stood empty and unsold.

The ex-wife called the man and asked how things were going. He told her the saga of the rotting house. She listened politely and said that she missed her old home terribly and would be willing to reduce her divorce settlement in exchange for getting the house back.

Knowing his ex-wife had no idea how bad the smell was he agreed on a price that was about 1/10th of what the house had been worth, but only if she were to sign the papers that very day. She agreed and within the hour his lawyers delivered the paperwork.

A week later the man and his girlfriend stood smiling as they watched the moving company pack everything to take to their new home, including the curtain rods.

~Original author unknown.

DISCLAIMER: No prawns were used in the curtain rod shown above.

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